The Boy Best Friend

I'm wondering if people of the opposite sex, in the same age group, can just have a getting-to-know-you chat without it meaning anything romantic.

I read somewhere that women end to dislike other women whose friends are mostly male. For some reason, it creates feelings of mistrust in relationships. Case in point, my beloved sister has been on both sides of this bench. She's been the girl best friend: a little sister type to a few male friends of hers and she's also been (and currently is) the serious girlfriend of the guy whose best friend is female.

I can understand why she would be wary in her present situation. The female best friend has been in the guy's life longer, they share inside jokes and mutual contacts, and while the girl in my sis' position has to earn the guy's trust, the female friend has already earned it and might actually be able to call some shots based squarely upon it. She's already on the tenth floor of the building while my sis has just found the correct address.

And also, there's the "Plan B" notion that some girls make friends with men by accident: while trying to prove herself romantically compatible with the guy, she ends up falling into the dreaded "little sister" position and simply becomes "one of the boys". Can you imagine her turmoil as she is forced to stand by and observe her guy best friend date woman after woman? A lot of times, women in this position use spite and the male's trust as their ally and whisper things in the guy's ear that may complicate the his romantic relationship. Ever happened to you?

With all of this said and considered, being the female best friend does have its perks. The people of my gender can be, well, quite dramatic, difficult, gossips, and other things I find I can do without. I should know, I have a tendency to be all of those aforementioned things. As a long-standing member of the "Best female friend to a male" Club, I've gotta say that the friendships with men require a lot less effort than those with fellow females.

As of right now, my best friend is my fiancé. Awww, I know it's sweet. Currently, the position for my best platonic friend is considering seeking applicants. I made really good friends with a couple of girls when I first came back to Cali, but those friendships turned boring and sour (and quite catty if I do say so myself) and ended as swiftly as they began. Ever since high school, my best friend has been male, I'm not sure why. No, it's not the "Plan B" thing. It's more like we belonged to a group of friends and then just started hanging out platonically one-on-one. Romance was never an issue. Until now...

One of the personal trainers at the gym struck up a conversation with me while I was refilling my water bottle at the drinking fountain. Apparently he read my name on the computer when he checked me in earlier. We chatted, he's into kickboxing and...um... personal training??? I don't even remember. Now, I don't want to sound naive, but do people just chat anymore? I mean, with no sexual inclinations whatsoever? I'm wondering if people of the opposite sex, in the same age group, can just have a getting-to-know-you chat without it meaning anything romantic.

No guy is in the market for a female best friend who happens to be in a loving and trusting relationship... unless he's gay. Which is fine. My last two best guy friends are gay, and I love them dearly. But I can't just be on the prowl for fun gay men needing a female confidant. And the thing that irks me is that there is no way to just try to get to know someone of the opposite sex without looking like some kind of skanky flirt. And the guy will get the wrong idea that you're interested if you try. Nope, there's no way. There is simply no way to have a good, straight, friend of the opposite sex unless you've known each other since your diaper-days.

Well, I suppose it doesn't matter much, anyway. Like I said before, my best friend position is filled and when it comes to the platonic thing? Well, everything in its time, I guess.

Friendship, or lack thereof.

The Boyfriend (yeah it's official, it's actually a cute story, I'll write it at the end of this blog entry) has been out of town for a week-long series of work-related conferences and I'm bored. I mean really bored. I've been working tons of hours and I've even managed to finish the first half of my thesis while he's been away... So now what?

I was walking home from work today when I realised that I don't have very many friends. I'm kind of a loner. The Pizza Guy (who will hereforth be known as 'The Boyfriend') has tons of friends and a few really good ones and with me being, well, friendless, I quickly latched onto his friends like they were my own. We have group outings and dinners, it's lovely to be in a crowd sometimes. Then The Boyfriend says,

"So, Porsch, you've met all my friends now. When am I gonna meet yours?"

Hmmm, I think to myself. I dunno when, Darling, but if I make some, you'll be the first to know.

I recently got an email from the managers of the student housing complex I live in. It seems there are some major shin-digs coming up, an "American Style" Halloween party and an End of Semester bash. Everyone who lives in the Student Village is invited to attend and bring people with them. The End of Semester Bash is supposed to be a blow-out as it is every year. It's a shirt-signing theme where everyone brings an old white t-shirt and a marker and they get their friends to sign it like a yearbook. It's supposed to commemorate the friends you've made whilst living in student housing.
But I haven't made any friends.
Not really. And I don't know anyone's name, other than my neighbour's. Maybe I can just buy a white t-shirt and write notes all over it in different handwriting and show up to the party like the most popular girl at the disco. Is that lame? I'm twenty-three and considering forging friendships.

Let's take a step back here. People love me. I'm fun and generous, considerate and sweet, easy-going and all-around lovely. My workmates and I get on so well, we all hug and kiss hello and goodbye. We laugh and high-five when it's necessary. We all sit back and have a few drinks after work, it's good. But those are workmates, not friends. Not people you choose to be around, people you go out of your way to enjoy the company of, people you call when you feel like crap or when you feel like celebrating.

Back in The States, I have AMAZING friends. I honestly couldn't ask for a more loving, sincere, and wonderful group of friends. But I'm not in The States. I've been here in Australia for over a year and still don't have a solid group of girlfriends... and it sucks. What do you think? How do I go about making friends with people, or turning the acquaintances I have into real friendships?

***********

The Pizza Guy picked me up for breakfast one Sunday morning (which actually happened to be his 24th birthday). We went to a cafe and had our usual breakfast.
His: 2 scrambled eggs, buttered toast and sautéed mushrooms.
Mine: 2 poached eggs (must be runny or I will send them back, much to his embarrassment), grilled tomato and dry toast.
Then he told me he had plans for us after breakfast, but first he needed to know something. He pulled a note from his pocket and reached across the table and handed it to me. The note contained the sweetest poem filled with inside jokes exclusive to the two of us. The last line asked me to officially become his girlfriend. It was just pure, corny sweetness. I loved it.

Prior to that, I'd been saying how I'd like to get my nose repierced. I had to take the piercing out last summer because of my last job but where I'm currently employed allows piercing and visible tattoos.

I said yes. I was tired of the in-between stage we were in. Our relationship had been exclusive since we'd met and we weren't fooling anyone with the whole, "No, we're not together, we're just seeing each other" thing.

We kissed, got into his car and he started driving toward the city. He pulled into a parking lot adjacent to a tattoo and piercing parlour.
"You ready?" he asked excitedly.
I smiled, a bit unsure of what was going on.
We left his car, he grabbed my hand, and we entered the parlour. We met the sweet girl at the front counter, face bedazzled with piercings.

"We have a 12:30 appointment for Porscha," he said confidently.

Awww, I thought. He's put so much thought into this.

The pierced girl looked at her clipboard and then returned her eyes to mine with a smile, "Alright, Porscha. We're piercing your nose today."

So now my nose has been repierced for about a week and a half which is exactly how long I've been in this official relationship. Isn't that cute?