Saturday, the 13th

That's just a pic of what I look like right now, as I'm writing this blog. Hair's gettin' long, eh? Thinking about going back to dark brown now that Autumn is almost upon us. Do you know what else is upon us? Mine and The Fiancé's 11-month! And the latest is that we chose a date for the wedding, (March 31st) and then decided to push it back to another date, farther into the new year. I mean, we just want to spend some time enjoying our engagement. Do you know that we have only spent one full day in each other's presence as an engaged couple? Just one day?! We'd also like to get in some premarital counseling. I read in an issue of Oprah Magazine (not Gospel but not too far from it) that a big mistake married couples make is running to counseling once the going gets rough. Not a good idea. It turns out that counseling serves couples best as a proactive tool rather than as a reactive tool. Much like a doctor's visit, it's good to get a check up every now and then and possibly prevent a problem in the future rather than just going when you notice something's not feeling right. Anyway, he thinks it's a good idea and so do I.

Perhaps I've been thinking about this idea of engagement all wrong. Instead of making all the wedding plans and adding all that stress to the relationship, an engagement can just be a beautiful mutual acknowledgement that we have both found the person with whom we wish to spend the rest of our lives. Everything else (dresses, tuxes, flower arrangements, and seating plans) all fall second to that fact. I'm starting to feel consumed by my yearning to be by his side.

Sometimes, when one becomes part of a couple, one loses him or herself in the unit. "I" and "Me" gives way to "Us" and "We". When the couple separates or breaks up, that person must rediscover him or herself. A while ago, I experienced exactly that. The relationship I was in had a personality all its own, my ex's personality. I consented and became the passive, silent partner in that relationship and, once we broke up, I spent a lot of time alone working on rediscovering myself.

One thing I have come to value most about my present relationship is that who I am is embraced and loved and soooo appreciated. I feel supported and accepted and it's lovely to not have to be someone else. I haven't really had to do much soul searching since being separated from him, because he lets me be myself. Wonderful. I'm just happier with him than without him and that's the simple truth of it. Loving him is so easy. I thought relationships were supposed to be a lot of work because that's how they always used to be, but he's just so easy to be with. It's pleasure doing things for him. Alright, I'm done gushing. Happy Eleventh Month, Darling! Okay, now I'm done.